I wouldn't touch him with a thirty-nine and a half foot pole

There may be those of you who I'm not friends with on social media, so I thought I'd share here as well.

My family never did Christmas cards or letters, probably because we realized that it's a pretty stupid tradition and nobody likes to hear you brag about your perfect family and how little Billy scored six goal point units this year on his junior pee-wee preparatory lacrosse team and was vice lieutenant treasurer of the sweater-vest club. Beyond that, I'm not sure I ever wore clean clothes as a child. Well this year I thought it might be a good chance to celebrate my perfect singleness and send out a stupid Christmas card to all of you. As you can see, not much has changed since my childhood because I'm still wearing dirty clothes. I do know how to weld now, so that's cool.

Anyway, Merry Christmas and Party Hard.

#62falcon